TURKISH DELIGHT

TURKISH DELIGHT
Song
Ray Noble
Max Kester
Cinephonic Music Co. Ltd.
See American version of same name.

Once there was a Caliph and he lived in old Bagdad
The poor old bloke’s been dead for years but who cares about that.
He couldn’t sleep a wink at night, he had two hundred wives
Who had to tell him stories otherwise they lost their lives.

CHORUS: [Chant]
Ya-ah-ah-ah, So the first/next wife told her tale.

Once there was a tourist who took a trip to Turkey
He went out for adventure when the night was dark and murky
He tried to kiss a Turkish girl, but she remarked, “My word”
“You may be fond of Turkey but I’m not that kind of bird.”

There was a man named Omar and he wore a ruby ‘at
He lived on loaves of bread and thou, but who cares about that.
I can’t tell you when he was born; the only date that sticks
Is William the Conqueror, and that’s ten-sixty-six.

Once there was a plumber, and he left behind his tools
He had to go and fetch them, it was the Union Rules,
His mate fell in the cistern, and when the boss returned,
It took four years to get him out, what overtime he earned.

Once there was a traveller who went to see the Shah
They took him to the palace gate and said, “Well, here you are.”
“Walk slowly backwards to the throne, be sure your face to hide.”
He did as he was told, poor chap, and found himself outside.

Once there was a princess whom they called Badroulbadour
Aladdin loved her dearly, but she loved Aladdin more.
She opened wide the palace gates to let her drunken dad in
And who can blame her if by chance she sometimes let Aladdin?

A young commercial traveller went to Bagdad one day
He climbed upon the harem walls to see the girls at play,
He promised to be good, but when the dancing girls appeared
He got so agitated that he fell and broke his word.

Sinbad was a sailor and you know what sailors are!
He sailed about the seven seas, but once he went too far.
He saw a lovely mermaid a-combing out her locks
The naked truth upset him and he soon was on the rocks.

Abdullah was a little man, who had a great big camel
He didn’t like its colour so he daubed it with enamel.
The hot sun melted all the paint while crossing the Sahara–
He can’t get off because the paint has stuck to his tarara!

An oriental beauty, whom they called Scheherazade
Got out of bed one winter night and went down to the larder;
She thought she’d have a quiet meal, with p’rhaps a glass of sherbert
How was it that the same idea occurred to Master Herbert?

Once there were two dancing girls who went about in gauze
And when they danced in cabarets they were enormous draws
The chief of police arrested them for showing too much zeal
He didn’t mind the upper deck but couldn’t stand the keel.

King Solomon that wise old man he had a thousand wives
He bought a lovely charabanc to take them all for drives
The charabanc broke down one night and here’s where trouble starts
His wives were waiting in a row and he’d got no spare parts.

You must have heard of Chu Chin Chow, a Mandarin from China
He tried to wed a fair young slave but found she was a minor.
“All right, my beauty,” he remarked, “just wait in this ‘ere cage”
“My other wives will last me until you become of age.”

The Oriental beauties, they veil their pretty faces
Although they aren’t so careful about some other places
They make whoopee and aren’t found out and here’s the reason why,
A woman in a veil can’t ever tell a bare-faced lie.

Have you heard the story of Aladdin and his lamp?
He bought it from a genii who was dressed up as a tramp
His wife said, “I will rub it and see what I can get,”
She rubbed the darn thing day and night but nothing’s happened yet.

Once there was a Caliph who went up a winding path
And all at once he came upon the ladies Turkish bath
The girls all screamed with horror at his masculine intrusion,
But that was quite all right for they were covered with confusion.

The Sultan of Morroco has a wonderful harem
With wives of every colour from chocolate to cream.
He’s only got three-sixty-five and yet it makes him groan,
For every time leap year comes round he has to sleep alone.

TURKISH DELIGHT